tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57590901670650241262024-02-20T12:09:34.461-08:00RELATIONSHIPS IN YOUR LIFE understand the people around of youAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17019761659897501607noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759090167065024126.post-75367661503503446502013-12-09T20:26:00.002-08:002013-12-09T20:26:32.516-08:00How To Get The Most Out Of Online Dating<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
<b><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></b><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span>The
dating game is fun. You’ll meet loads of new people and try all kinds of new
adventures. You can’t expect that all your dates will be good ones, but at
least these disasters will give your friends a laugh. You’re more likely to
meet suitable people with a respectable site like Global Personals, so if you
current site is not working out, it’s worth giving give them a try.</div>
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<br />
Here are some tips to help you get the most out of online dating.<br />
<br />
1. You need to keep at it. Just like dating the people you meet at work or at
the gym, you’re not necessarily going to meet Mr or Mrs Right on the first
attempt. Don’t lose heart. Online dating is popular for a reason – it works.
Keep on looking, new people sign up every day. In fact, your future partner
could be signing up to a great site such as <a href="http://www.globalpersonalsltd.com/category/global-personals/">Global
Personals</a> right now.<br />
<br />
2. Play safe. You should never give out personal details online. Wait until you
have met in real life before giving up your address or mobile number. Use your
chosen site’s safety features by sticking with the messaging service. Once you
are comfortable and happy that your chosen date is not weird in any way, then
you can give up your details. But not before!<br />
<br />
3. When meeting in the flesh make sure it’s somewhere public, and that a friend
knows where you are. You’ve probably heard this many times before but it is
sensible advice. Don’t isolate yourself with someone you don’t know, and
certainly don’t invite them to your house. <br />
<br />
4. Check your account regularly. People send messages all the time and many
others are signing up. You don’t want to miss out because you weren’t paying
attention!<br />
<br />
5. Be flexible with your search criteria. If you put specifics like ‘brown
hair, 5’ 10”, no children, and must love cats within 1 mile of your postcode,
then you are really limiting your options! Besides which, dating should be
about meeting many people and having a great time. Widen your search, think
about the age range, and look older (or younger!) than you currently are.<br />
<br />
6. On the flip side, be realistic with your criteria, especially your search
radius. Whilst a one mile search radius won’t be enough, you won’t want to
travel fifty miles each time you meet up either. <br />
<br />
7. Don’t decide on a person simply by looking at their picture, because many
attractive people do not photograph well! Put more faith in your shared
opinions, sense of humour and interests. They have to be attractive to you of
course, but if you are wavering on a ‘not sure if I like the look of him’ then
stop wavering and meet up. Attractiveness is sometimes more about hormones,
scents and the ‘wow’ factor, and you won’t get that over an internet
connection.<br />
<br />
Above all, make sure you enjoy yourself, and don’t get too fixated on finding
Mr or Mrs Right. Be laid back, have fun, follow the tips above, and it will all
come together in the end.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17019761659897501607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759090167065024126.post-39406876065602203052013-12-09T20:25:00.002-08:002013-12-09T20:25:21.774-08:00How To Get Back Into The Dating Game<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<b><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></b><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span>Many people are finding these days that they are pitched back into the dating
game when a marriage or long term relationship has ended. It can be quite
disconcerting to suddenly realise that you are single! When you feel ready to
date again, then you can meet new people in many different ways. The trick is
to get yourself out there, don't be shy. A smile and a friendly remark can open
up new friendships and enrich your life. Just be brave! Here are some
suggestions to get you going.</div>
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<br />
1. Online Dating. A decade ago, online dating was not particularly popular,
viewed by the majority of people as weird and perhaps a bit desperate. Now,
everyone is doing it! You probably know couples who met online. If you ask
about, you’ll discover people are trying it, and may have some suggestions to
help you along. There are many dating sites out there, but if you are serious
about meeting someone decent, then use a high quality site such as <a href="http://www.globalpersonalsltd.org.uk/how-to-have-a-fantastic-double-date-global-personals/">Global
Personals</a>. Be mindful of your safety too, and when you meet with someone,
make sure it’s in a busy public place. <br />
<br />
2. Ask your friends to set you up. They know you well, and are quite likely to
pick someone who suits. They may even be better at it than you are! Just make
sure you choose someone sensible, not just Dave from the pub that you don’t
know very well.<br />
<br />
3. A single person should never turn down an invite. Even if you are tired and
don’t fancy it – make sure you go. You never know who will be there; at the
very least it will prevent you being lonely and bored at home. Exciting things
happen at unexpected times!<br />
<br />
4. If you have children, take them to activities such as soft play, or playgrounds
and parks if the weather is good. Saturday morning is a great time to meet
single dads! When you pick your kids up from school, chat to other parents in
the queue. Just be friendly, not over-bearing and before you know it, you’ve
made another friend – who in turn may set you up with a singleton that they
know.<br />
<br />
5. Trying something new always opens up new avenues. There are lots of courses
and activities you can take part in. Look online for adult learning courses. If
you’ve always fancied learning how to make pasta, then now is the time! If your
computer skills are rusty, then sign up for classes. If your workplace runs a
sports and social club, then start taking part. You might not fancy any of your
colleagues, but they might know someone who will suit you. <br />
<br />
Getting back into the dating game is all about building new connections. Be
pro-active, get online, try Global Personals, or take up a hobby that interests
you, just keep busy and jump in. Above all, keep smiling and you’ll soon be
back into the swing of it.</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17019761659897501607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759090167065024126.post-86927305491040249982013-05-15T10:08:00.000-07:002013-05-15T10:08:30.946-07:00Be Quick and Convenient to Have Loans<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<a href="http://www.easyonlinepaydayloan.com/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Easy Online Payday Loan" src="http://www.easyonlinepaydayloan.com/images/index_11_03_10/eopl_logo.gif" /></a><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">If you run an online
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Get your money as soon as possible without
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shortcut done by millions of people.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17019761659897501607noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759090167065024126.post-78206103360905671692013-04-20T12:56:00.001-07:002013-04-20T12:56:22.737-07:00Relationships: Why Do Some People Sabotage Healthy Relationships?<div style="text-align: justify;">
To have a relationship that is healthy and functional is something that most people want in this world. Now, for some people this is reality and for others; this is often nothing more than a good idea and something that eludes them.<br /><br />And while there are people who have fulfilling relationships and others who want them; there is also another dynamic that goes on. These are people who may develop a relationship with someone or meet another person who is appropriate and who treats them well, and yet the relationship doesn't last.<br /><br />Conscious Intention<br /><br />On the surface, one may have the need to be with another person that appreciates, respects and values who they are. However, although this is what is going on at a conscious level, there is a clear difference between what is actually happening in one's life.<br /><br />One is aware of what they need, but this is having very little impact on one achieving that which they truly desire - a fulfilling relationship.<br /><br />What's Showing Up?<br /><br />It is often said that if one wants to understand what's going on at a deeper level and all that is out of conscious awareness - one should look at their behaviour. And aside from ones behaviour, is what is showing up in one's life and the kind of relationships that one is attracting.</div>
<a name='more'></a><br /><br />For the person that sabotages a healthy relationship or the chance of having one: it is clear that something is out of alignment.<br /><br />Different Stages<br /><br />What will make a big difference here is now aware someone is of what is going on. While for some, this may be a process that goes on out of their awareness; for others this will be all too clear.<br /><br />If this process is not known, one is likely to feel frustrated, angry and powerless. And even if it is known this, can still be experienced. But for the person that is aware, it will likely include a sense of hope that it can be different.<br /><br />However, if one is in a position to attract someone who is functional in the first place, it may be as sign that they are fairly aware already.<br /><br />Attraction<br /><br />One of the big challenges here for people who sabotage functional relationships is that what they say they want is not necessarily what they are attracted to. On one side they can describe the person they want and yet emotionally this is not pressing their buttons.<br /><br />And so even if they meet or end up with the type of person that they say they want; the all important attraction element is missing. The interesting thing about attraction is that what one can be attracted to, is not always functional or healthy.<br /><br />Reasons<br /><br />The mind may come up with different reasons as to why this is. These will often be rationalisations or justifications and other defence mechanisms that the ego mind will use as a way for one to stay in their head and to avoid what is really going on for them.<br /><br />As a result of the ego mind, these could then create the following 'reasons': that one finds the other person to be boring; that they have nothing in common or that they don't have 'feelings' for them. One may have the awareness to see that while they do find the other person to be right, there is internal resistance taking place.<br /><br />Questioning Attraction<br /><br />Attraction is often seen as something positive and what happens when one meets someone who is right for them. And yet for people who have been attracted to someone who latter went on to abuse them or take advantage of them; it becomes clear that being attracted to someone is not always a sign of compatibility.<br /><br />So on one side, one feel say that they are not attracted to someone who is right for them and on the other side feel attracted to people who they later find to be abusive and inappropriate.<br /><br />Now consciously, this can make very little sense. If one is attracted to someone then it feels natural to go with it and to not resist the desire that is being created.<br /><br />The Main Challenge<br /><br />Although this process may feel right and the body may crave this person; it doesn't mean that this will lead to a functional or a fulfilling relationship. And one of the biggest reasons for this is that what is classed as attractive is what is often classed as familiar.<br /><br />Now, the ego mind creates associations of what is safe around what is familiar. This is usually through repetition or it could be due to an experience that was traumatic and through the intensity of it, it became interpreted as familiar.<br /><br />And what is classed as familiar can be functional, healthy and fulfilling and it can also be dysfunctional, unhealthy and unfulfilling. So if the ego mind has come to associate certain behaviour and experiences as familiar and therefore safe, these will be what one is attracted to.<br /><br />The body can then crave to be around people who are not right for them and also cause one to feel withdrawal symptoms if they are not around them; similar to how a drug addict will feel without their regular dose.<br /><br />Possible Causes<br /><br />The childhood years are often cited as being where one will form their associations of what they are attracted to and what they are not. And as these years are so powerful in shaping who one is and how one will see the world; it is not much of a surprise.<br /><br />And as the caregiver that one has during this time is not always functional or healthy, it can set one up to be attracted to unhealthy people. The ego mind doesn't say 'this is not healthy or functional, so I'm not accepting this', all it can do it create associations of familiarity around what is happening.<br /><br />The experiences that one has in latter life can build on what happened in ones childhood years. So one can then end up creating a greater tolerance for abusive relationships; as a result of the early wounds that were created. And then it could be that due to certain adult traumas, one become vulnerable to unhealthy relationships.<br /><br />Awareness<br /><br />When it comes to attracting someone who is right, it is important that one feels together internally. If one feels that part of them wants one thing and yet another part of them wants something else; it is a sign that letting go needs to occur.<br /><br />Being aware of this is the first thing and the next stage is to do something about it. For some people it may be enough to read about this or to speak to a trusted friend. And for others, healing or therapy will be needed.<br /><br /><br /><br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17019761659897501607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759090167065024126.post-23809157683553929982013-04-04T13:00:00.000-07:002013-04-20T13:00:52.614-07:00How You Could Successfully End A Relationship<div style="text-align: justify;">
Ever since the beginning of time people have been separating. When men and women began to write, one of the issues they wrote about, even way back, was couples splitting up. The writings probably have changed and indeed the times have changed but ending a romantic relationship never has gotten any less difficult. Folks still go through the identical emotions, the same misery, as well as the same pain.<br /><br />When you find yourself putting an end to a partnership, you need to acknowledge the fact that it really is over. You may think it wise to totally forget about your ex, however, while you try to forget you happen to be actually remembering the past bond. All this accomplishes is you still thinking about all those upsetting memories which just triggers serious emotional discomfort.<br /><br />As mentioned before a split is never simple. Emotionally, it can be one of the most difficult things you will face in your lifetime. You are all aware of the phrase that "Time Heals All Wounds", and you probably do not want to even listen to that outdated expression, but in fact it's correct. Try to keep this in mind as you little by little mend your psychological scars.</div>
<a name='more'></a><br /><br />Ending a romance may be particularly difficult if you still have contact with your ex. It is often awkward, particularly if you two work together. Establish some guidelines such as keeping matters as platonic as you can. Whenever you do engage in a discussion keep it low key, don't talk about your previous bond.<br /><br />At times when dealing with the closure of a partnership you may go somewhat over the top avoiding your ex partner. This avoidance is in fact unhealthy mainly because it means that you just aren't coping with your true feelings. By doing this you are in essence providing your ex partner power over you.<br /><br />The most sensible thing you could do is in the event you bump into your ex acknowledge them, however do not be far too chatty. The relationship is now over and you have recognized that. Attempting to actually indicate this to others frequently does not end up as intended. People could get a different idea and you will end up feeling idiotic. Also staying cool, relaxed and collected may help, especially if you even now deep down do not want to end this bond.<br /><br />Terminating this romance may not be what you would like, however, you might want to accept it for the time being. Who knows you could get back together in the future however at this point it is best to keep it low key among the two of you. This really is wise to get along with individuals and not get annoyed at the mention of your ex's name. Stick to the guidelines previously mentioned and you might leave the door open to the possibility of the both of you fixing your relationship down the road.<br /><br /><br /><br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17019761659897501607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759090167065024126.post-30209376372484489612013-03-28T12:58:00.000-07:002013-04-20T12:59:36.606-07:00Relationship Problems - Five Problems Ordinary Men Face That Exceptional Men AvoidNothing shameful about being an ordinary man. We all start out there. The problem with being an ordinary man is that it's a lot of work. You face the same Groundhog's Day problems over and over again. It's tough. And monotonous. And there's not a lot of perks.<br /><br />In this article, I'll cover five of the top problems ordinary men face. If these sound familiar to you, you might be interested in learning more about becoming an exceptional man.<br /><br />1. Ordinary men don't get enough attention. The ordinary man feels ignored by his woman much of the time. She spends a lot of time on her phone and on Facebook and then "lets" him spend time with her. But she doesn't show a lot of spark. She just assumes he'll be there. It's usually only when she's fighting with him that she fully engages with her man.<br /><br />2. Ordinary men don't get enough affection. The ordinary man does a lot for his woman and feels like he doesn't get a lot back. The relationship feels unfair and unbalanced for him. He's always having to ask for his needs to get met. It's no position for a man to be in.<br />
<a name='more'></a><br /><br />3. Ordinary men don't get enough sex. An ordinary man's woman is tired and stressed a lot. She never seems to be in the mood. And she seems to think that he is too sex-focused. She accuses him of using her for sex and only wanting her body. She may have caught him looking at porn and this only reinforced her view point, but the truth is he'd much rather have sex with her if she were willing.<br /><br />4. Ordinary men are neck deep in drama. The only time anything gets interesting in the ordinary man's relationship is when he fights with his woman. And they seem to fight about everything. She has a very skewed idea of who he is and reads into everything he says or does. This leads to lots and lots of drama and lots and lots of work if he wants to address even the simplest issue that might come up. And he often just lets her win the fight just to keep the peace. He might justify this by saying: "You gotta pick your battles."<br /><br />5. The ordinary man feels a lack of respect, trust and just basic softness from his woman. She acts like her Facebook friends are more interesting and funny than him. He finds her attention drifting when he talks to her about his plans. He sometimes feels like he's trying to prove himself to her. She sometimes acts like he is supposed to make her happy and that he's not doing his job so why should she do hers?<br /><br />If any or all of these sound like you, you owe it to yourself to start planning a personal reinvention around what you want and deserve in your life and relationship. Which is just what I did.<br /><br /><br /><br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17019761659897501607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759090167065024126.post-23763190021701255982013-03-25T13:01:00.000-07:002013-04-21T07:12:00.314-07:00Love and Trust<div style="text-align: justify;">
Everyone suffers from insecurity, self-doubt, fear of being controlled or cheated on, of missing out on their share of love, passion, money and possessions. Far from always being the self-possessed person we often see, like us they have many things going on under the surface. The best way to deal with these fears and doubts is through the practice of self-compassion, compassion and acceptance.<br />
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We need to trust that others are doing the best they know how to do based upon the knowledge they have and how they see the world, the same as we are. If we truly accept and love ourselves, it will have a flow-on effect to others. This not only benefits others and our interactions with them, but also ourselves. We can save ourselves a lot of pain, envy and the feeling of not being as good as everyone else by learning to love them as well as ourselves.<br />
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When we decide to look for the best in others and at the same time avoid victim-hood, this frees us and the other person from an endless round of recriminations, competition and lack. We can be grateful for their good qualities and see them worthy of love and respect. The practice of empathy can give us a wisdom that helps us all in our daily lives.</div>
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You may find they are entrenched in their point of view and it doesn't mesh with yours and this is causing problems and they are unwilling to meet you halfway. In this case, its OK to release them with love and best wishes and get on with your life with no hard feelings. After all we don't have to be right all the time and sometimes we may not even be right, we just have what we know in the moment.<br />
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We learn to love and accept and even to let go when it's needed by the practice of mindfulness and non-attachment. We learn to live in and enjoy the moment and not to see others as impacting on us in any great way. We feel love and acceptance but don't have to control people or situations or entice others to our ways and point of view. We give ourselves and others permission to be who we are, believe what we believe and do what we do. While it is easy to do this, it's not instant.<br />
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It takes daily practice to forgive ourselves, forgive others and accept that we are all a part of a larger world, and that to hurt ourselves or others has a lasting effect. If we trip up, we accept we are only human and return to our practice. Loving, forgiving and accepting has a far greater effect on your life than control and vengeance, and this effect is of achieving peace and harmony. This frees up our energy for pursuing the things that really matter to us.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17019761659897501607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759090167065024126.post-8004511338281201862013-03-05T12:51:00.000-08:002013-04-21T07:14:09.701-07:00How To Find a Good Man - The Right Way<div style="text-align: justify;">
There are a lot of different ways that you can learn how to find a good man in these modern times, but when you start to read the columns in gossip magazines, it can seem like a painstaking task. You may not want to hear that, but it's absolutely true, and many don't even realize that. If you have been trying to move forward with someone and you can't seem to get a commitment, let them go and seek out something better, something that will increase the likelihood of your courtship and even lead to marriage. The following will help you not only get the right man, it will also help you live life to the fullest.<br />
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The number one thing that you should remember is that you need to exhibit life to the fullest. If you show off your smile on every occasion and you are living life to the fullest, than you will attract a great number of people to hit on you. This is the single most important thing that you can do, smile. Smiling has been proven time and time again as something that will generate serious attention from the opposite sex, especially if you show it off when you're just walking down the street, or even grocery shopping.<br />
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The second thing that you will need to do is go out in public often. Go out and enjoy the greatness of your city, and do not simply go to the clubs. Find things that interest you, go and enjoy them. If you like reading, don't just go to a bookstore, hit the library. If you like music, go find record stores and other adventures that await you. Some might think that it's no fun alone, but if you can't be alone and independent, you will not be a good match for someone else. You absolutely need to keep this in mind. Be yourself and find yourself out there in your world. You need to be comfortable in your own skin before you can let anyone else into your universe. Remember that, and you'll be solid moving forward.</div>
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The next thing that you need to do is make sure that you're in control of your destiny. Don't be afraid to say no to any offer that you don't find to be great from someone. If a man asks you out, don't be quick to say yes but don't be quick to say no. It never hurts to have coffee, so if you feel the need to say yes and aren't 100% sure, ask to meet at a coffee shop during the day and have a good conversation, and feel things out. Whatever you do, don't rush through the process, and instead try to be friendly and courteous overall.<br />
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The above things to remember can seem daunting at first, but they are necessary for you to move forward with this life and truly learn how to find a good man. Without this in action, you will not find yourself moving forward with a meaningful relationship.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17019761659897501607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759090167065024126.post-72813306887647603972013-02-14T12:50:00.000-08:002013-04-20T12:51:33.620-07:00What Is the Different Between Romance and Passion?<div style="text-align: justify;">
If you have never been in love before, you probably have no idea what you are missing, in fact, most of us go through life experiencing at least one relationship that can be considered as serious. These relationships usually make us very happy, so we have absolutely no desire to see them end. Unfortunately, we ourselves could end up derailing the relationship, without even knowing that we are doing it. If we only knew how important these relationships really were, we would work harder at keeping them together.<br /><br />When the relationship ends, we begin looking for a meaningful replacement, in most cases we end up finding one that is full of passion, which overwhelms us so much that we focus on spending the rest of our lives with that person. We think that marriage will make us happier, only to realise that being passionate is not the same as being romantic.<br /><br />As important as romance is to us, you would think that we would be working harder at succeeding, the problem is that we have a difficult time making a judgment call on which feeling we are actually encountering. When nothing else in the universe matters but that special someone and the only time that you feel a connection is when you are with them, that is when you know that your emotion is one of being loved.</div>
<a name='more'></a><br /><br />There are times when being loved can be confused with passion and for the most part, both instances can make us extremely happy, unfortunately being passionate with someone is not a feeling that will be around for the rest of our lives, not by itself anyway. When we are passionate with someone, the burning desire to be with them forever is also there, but there is a subtle difference that becomes very clear, after being together for a while.<br /><br />It is said that true love can withstand the test of time, which means that both parties are willing to stick with each other, in good and bad times. If your relationship is built due to a passionate encounter, that option will not be there, in fact it only takes a few bad days to call the whole thing off, which is probably why so many relationships suffer today.<br /><br />And finally, it is unfortunate that there is such confusion between the different stages of romance, as much as we thrive on it. It is important when your significant other inspires you to improve, but there are other things that may be just as important, like the fact that you can laugh at each-others jokes, no matter how many times you heard them, enjoy doing many of the same things and are happy to sit quietly together in the same room and do nothing.<br /><br /><br /><br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17019761659897501607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759090167065024126.post-9310036854187152252013-02-12T12:56:00.000-08:002013-04-20T12:58:16.280-07:00We All Need Space<div style="text-align: justify;">
"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are." John Wooden<br /><br />Needing space is not always about the living area. At times we need a break from certain people. We may love them and care about them but we need a break from them. By recognizing this important fact, we can keep a distance when necessary and not only maintain a relationship but have no guilt. When we attend to others we have a feeling of duty to be at their disposal. Maybe this is feasible some of the time. It is impossible to achieve all of the time. Admitting our own needs and responsibilities may alleviate the anxious feelings we have when we can't always solve other people's problems. Having empathy does not mean we can't say no. At times we must say no at least for that moment. At a later date we may be able to fulfill another's need but not at the present time.<br /><br />We all feel overwhelmed with duty. Our thoughts say if you love this person you will find the time or find a way to help them with a difficulty. The end result is a total depletion of our own energy and spirit. This is not good. We need to maintain our own spirits in order to be of service to others. Maybe if we admitted we couldn't take on a duty, it might be helpful to the person if they were required to do it for themselves. They may need to be able to gain confidence in their own ability. We may be completely unaware that we are creating a dependency. Even our elderly parents must acknowledge that our lives are important and deserve attention. I am not suggesting neglect but pacing.</div>
<a name='more'></a><br /><br />I don't believe others are aware of the burdens they place on us. At the same time it is up to us to be alert to what we can and can't do. By all means help others right away if it is within your power and you are up to the challenge. If your energy level is already diminished then refrain from making any more commitments. Unless your family or friend is in crisis mode, save the job for another day or allow them to garner help from another person.<br /><br />The guilt of not being able to be at the disposal for another individual can overtake our logic and reason. Some of us believe we will not be loved if we don't accommodate others whenever they ask. We can't win love in this way. Our spouses, parents, siblings, friends and co-workers should step back and expect to compromise. The options might be a later date for the job to be performed or maybe the hiring of another person to do the job. Our bodies and minds need time to adjust and settle down after a long day. It may be a perfect time for the person requesting aid but a less than perfect time for us to accomplish the task.<br /><br />We can't feel guilty when we say no to requests. Dismiss any thoughts that the person in need will stop caring for us because we replied in the negative. A doormat gets used up quickly and tossed in the rubbish. When it begins to fray and spreads bristles, out it goes. Likewise we will also stretch bend and break. At that point we will be angry bitter exhausted and vengeful. This holds true for any relationship that is demanding and without empathy. Who cares if the rubbish or light bulb waits an extra week? The multitudes of tasks we deem so important are really irrelevant in the scheme of life. It seems more reasonable to ask another to visit for coffee and a chat. Release burdens others have created for you.<br /><br />Being a people pleaser has more to do with our need for keeping love and maintaining a relationship. Even when we have no stamina left we attempt to please others when asked. We want the approval even at the price of our own welfare. Neither guilt nor ego should prod us into wearing ourselves thin. It is important to maintain our mind and body. We don't have to be constantly manipulated by others. It is wonderful to be kind helpful and caring but we can't forsake our own needs. In order to be a contributing compassionate person, we can help others when possible within reason and without ulterior motives. Leave our guilt and duty behind and when we need rest simply say maybe later.<br /><br /><br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17019761659897501607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759090167065024126.post-21940979549462815202013-02-05T12:53:00.000-08:002013-04-20T12:55:13.085-07:00Relationships: Why Do Some People Try To Rescue Others?<div style="text-align: justify;">
Although relationships are often seen as two people sharing who they are with the other each and with both of them being on the same level; this doesn't always take place. And when this doesn't happen, one of the reasons can be due to one person trying to rescue the other.<br /><br />Now, in order for one to be a rescuer, there needs to be someone who needs rescuing. There can't be one without the other. And while it may seem that the rescuer possesses a lot more power than the person that they are rescuing; these are ultimately two sides of the same coin.<br /><br />The difference is that each person is expressing themselves in a different way; with one person appearing to be stronger than the other. And this is not limited to intimate relationships either, it can also relate to relationships with: family, friends and colleagues for instance.<br /><br />Different Areas<br /><br />And while the rescuer is trying to save another person, this can take on, many different forms. This could be to do with finances and to propping another person up financially. It can also include trying to rescue another: emotionally, mentally and physically.</div>
<a name='more'></a><br /><br />So perhaps the other person is in debt or never seems to have any money; which leads to the rescuer always being there with money. Or it could be that the other person is suffering mentally and emotionally and therefore the rescuer seeks to fix them in some way.<br /><br />And it may be that the other person is putting themselves in danger, through some form of self harm or violence and needs to be continually monitored or saved.<br /><br />The Carer<br /><br />What is clear here is that one person is putting in more effort than the other person is. One person is the continual saviour and the other person is perpetually helpless. For some, this may be a way of life and for others; this will be a role that they take on during certain circumstances.<br /><br />And if we take a step back from these roles, what it starts to look like is a relationship between a parent and a child. One person is the strong parental figure and the other is the dependent child. And there will be some relationships that are extreme examples of this and some that have certain elements of this.<br /><br />Being Human<br /><br />However, as we are human and therefore not perfect or meant to be perfect; to have moments of feeling dependent or hopeless is normal. To embody this behaviour on a consistent basis is likely to lead to problems.<br /><br />So while one person is taking on the identity of the rescuer and that all is well; they are also negating their own needs in the process. It's as if they have no needs and are needless.<br /><br />And for the person who needs rescuing and is showing that they need help; it's as if they are powerless and can't help themselves.<br /><br />The Rescuer<br /><br />So then, the rescuer is not comfortable showing that they have needs. Their primary focus is being there for the other person and to take care of their needs. And their own needs are denied and ignored.<br /><br />On the surface, this doesn't make any sense. However, this is how the rescuer gains approval and feels worthy. For, it's not that they don't have needs; what it comes down to, is that they feel that their own needs are not important. And if they were to show them, they fear that they would be abandoned.<br /><br />The reasoning is - 'if I am there enough for them, then maybe they will be there for me and I won't be abandoned or rejected.'<br /><br />At an unconscious level, there is often the fear of another person getting too close. Consciously this is what they long for, but this is in conflict with what is going on within them. So by keeping the focus on the other person, it enables them to stay at a comfortable distance.<br /><br />The Rescued<br /><br />And the person who needs to be rescued has no problem in showing that they have needs. This person has no concern about the needs of the other person. If they were to act another way and to hide their needs; they question if the other person would notice them.<br /><br />So while the rescuer feels that they need to hide their needs to avoid being abandoned; the person that needs to be rescued shows their needs due to the fear of being abandoned if they don't.<br /><br />The reasoning is - 'if I show how needy I am, then someone will always be there for me and I won't be abandoned or rejected'.<br /><br />At an unconscious level, there is also the fear of another person getting too close. Consciously this is clearly what they seek, but this is in conflict with what is going on at a deeper level. So by them being so needy, it often leads to the other person leaving them. Here they can return to what they are comfortable with.<br /><br />Trust<br /><br />This means that both have challenges when it comes to trusting that another person will be there for them. The need to be constantly validated by the other is something that is needed by both people. One achieves this by being at another's beck and call and the other one person does this by showing how needy they are.<br /><br />Consequences<br /><br />In the short term this may well create a sense of satisfaction between the two people or should I say a sense of familiarity. But when it comes to long term happiness and the chance of a healthy relationship: it is unlikely to be beneficial.<br /><br />Sooner of latter, the person who is rescuing the other is going to become frustrated and angry that their needs are being ignored. One may look for another person to rescue for example; with the belief that they will finally take care of their needs.<br /><br />And for the person that is being rescued, their fears about being abandoned and not having someone there is likely to arise. And while the conscious intention is to bring the other person closer; it could lead to them being pushed further away.<br /><br />Causes<br /><br />To see this kind of behaviour can be confusing to say the least, but through taking a look at childhood development, this can become a lot clearer. As children, we are completely dependent on our caregivers to take care of our needs.<br /><br />Now, although we can have these needs, it doesn't mean that they will be consistently taken care of, or taken care of at all. And this can lead to two things occurring. It can be that one is forced to be there for their caregivers needs and to ignore their own. And another option is that one's needs are ignored and that they are not used to fulfil their caregiver's needs either.<br /><br />Two Ways<br /><br />For the person whose needs are ignored as a child, and has to be there for the parents needs; there are going to be certain associations formed about their needs. And these could be that one's needs are not important and one may feel ashamed and guilty for having them.<br /><br />Here one is learning at an early age that other people's needs matter and their needs do not. And that to be close to another means being smothered and engulfed. Due to being overwhelmed by their caregivers needs.<br /><br />And for someone whose needs are ignored and who is not used to take care of their parents needs; they will have different associations. They will also feel that their needs are not important.<br /><br />They are learning at an early age that their needs do not matter and no one is there for them. Learning in the process that they can't just be themselves and have their needs met; something extreme has to happen to gain another's attention. And yet to have someone become to close may lead to the fear of being smothered or engulfed, because one is not used to another person being there.<br /><br />Awareness<br /><br />These things may well have happened many years ago, but they remain due to them being familiar. At the time of the experiences; the ego mind associated them as familiar and therefore safe.<br /><br />We all have needs and they are nothing to be ashamed of or to feel guilty about. And in order to let go of the minds associations and to feel comfortable with having needs; one may need to seek some kind of assistance.<br /><br /><br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17019761659897501607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759090167065024126.post-59178507919940123922013-02-01T12:46:00.000-08:002013-04-20T12:47:38.133-07:00Five Things You Should Stop Doing to Win Back Your Ex<div style="text-align: justify;">
I have tried these five things to no avail. I was curious so I asked a couple of friends who had attempted to win back their ex, the response was same.<br /><br />1. Wishing things could come back to normal<br />For your ex to be your "ex" something went down badly. The opportunity to make things right could be lost. He or she probably has moved on and met someone who has done better than you ever did. Its time to wake up and let it go. Even if you eventually succeeds in getting him or her back, i doubt you could ever make it so right, except of-course he or she is still much available and willing as much as you to get things back to normal<br /><br />2.Working hard to get him or her jealous<br />Forget those good old tricks of trying to hang around her with your new found 'arranged date'. You can only piss them off the more. Jealously works, is just that it doesn't make things right again, it just makes your ex feel you are still that same boastful-am-OK-with-myself type.<br /><br />3. Tailing your spouse<br />It is really time to move on. It is both sad and selfish to keep pressing things. Tailing him or her makes you look too desperate and even if you succeed in winning them back, you would have lost all the edge in the relationship</div>
<a name='more'></a>4. Feeling so sorry for yourself<br />This wont help you. He or she is gone, what can you do? Instead of feeling too sorry for yourself, why not work on what made things go bad and see if you can find someone else? You cannot get him or her back by sleeping away your social time in worry.<br /><br />5. Staying lonely<br />It is time to try to hang out and be free of worry. You need to go out there and find someone to make you happy and feel cherished. One way to get going is to seek happiness again. If things were meant to be, you cannot change it. But the closest way to get really worked up not having your ex around is staying lonely.<br /><br />Now you have the five, let me mention that, anything you do to be happy is worth it but be careful not to rob yourself of the chances of being happy again chasing shadows.<br /><br />So what do you guys thing? Drop your comments! We are all learning.<br /><br /><br /><br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17019761659897501607noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5759090167065024126.post-3971525252257269252013-01-16T12:48:00.000-08:002013-04-20T12:50:11.181-07:00What Do Men Find Romantic?<div style="text-align: justify;">
Men are often stereotyped as having the romantic depth of tree sloth. Although a woman showing up naked with beer may be considered romantic by some, men are usually a little deeper than that. Men too feel passion, love, and romance; it's just that when expressing it, they don't often make much sense.<br /><br />When it comes to romance, women have had the market cornered. Flowers, chocolates, breakfast in bed, candlelight dinners, and counting the times men say, "I love you" on St. Valentine's Day. But men don't need that. To light the fire of passion in a man, simply follow these five simple steps:<br /><br />1) Touch him. Guys are tactile; holding a man's hand, lightly touching his arm during a conversation, or a random hug shows a man you're interested in him more than telling him so.<br /><br />2) Compliment his manliness. No matter how big and strong a man is he's not as secure as he might seem. Guys want to be heroes, the one who swoops in and saves the day, so if he fixes the toilet, builds a fence, or simply changes a light bulb, you should tell him how fantastic he is and what an improvement it is and the cook him something that he would like to say thank you.</div>
<a name='more'></a><br /><br />3) Let him go. Before a relationship, a man has a routine with other men. Drinks at the pub on Thursdays after work, watching the match on television at Steve's house, or simply staying at home and killing zombies on a video game; it's part of his life. Once the man is committed to you, his buddy-filled bachelor life is over. Every once in a while give it back. A night out with the boys will show him you trust him. Now that's romantic.<br /><br />4) Put on something nice. People get comfortable in a relationship and really let themselves go. The sweater top and gym wear whilst exercising and decorating is fine but you then start to dress down for all your comfortable time together. Although as partners you still find each other attractive, you both now look more like roomies. This one goes both ways; showing your guy you care enough to look good for him might just encourage him to put on a nice shirt and get a shave.<br /><br />5) Just look at him. Eye contact, whether during a conversation or across a loud room during a party, shows that no matter what's going on around you, your partner is more important to you than anything else. That will arouse a sense of romance more than buying him a steak dinner.<br /><br />I guess there's a number 6: buy him a steak dinner.<br /><br />As you can see, men are simple creatures with simple needs. Their passion is easy to ignite.<br /><br /><br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17019761659897501607noreply@blogger.com0